Cray-Cray Week...Week.

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Bonjour, konnichiwa y halo to you all! I've been inactive...again. Sorry, sorry (I promised I'd write, too...). Things have been pretty crazy for me this past week or so. My Halloween costume is still being made and Halloween is only a couple of days away. And, I have works things to stress myself out about and this other thing that's only kinda work-related that I'm freaking out about and don't know why. Mucho freakingout-ness. Seriously. Anyway, the stress has been making me sleep more and that keeps me from keeping in touch with my lovely dA life. 

I feel like I'm getting worse at work but people keep praising me for things. Weird. I've gotten awfully slow and there seems to be no reason for it. I'm not even wondering what to do about it, it's not like I'll get fired for something so temporary and seemingly unnoticeable. ...Right? Yay, paranoia...how I've missed you, old friend. Other than that, I'm getting along well with some of my co-workers and I'm enjoying my work day almost every day. That's good, right?

The Halloween thing: I'm convinced my father is dying so I've been Druid-ing for a couple of weeks. That, and Halloween is the only time of year I get to be religious without being treated like a freak. But, seriously, I've been wearing jewelry and howling and petting my plants and telling everybody how Scottish I am (it's getting on everyone's nerves) for a while now. I'll be glad when, on November 2nd I'll feel like I've done my ancestors well enough to go back to normal. It'll feel great and I'll be able to stop making Druid Triads of Power all the time.

I keep forgetting, am I allowed to have friends? It's getting to be that way and I haven't the foggiest what to do. I'm not medicated, whatever friendships I cultivate now will be put into jeopardy either by a) my impending nervous breakdown or by b) them thinking that I'm acting really weird once I do go back on the medication. It's so frustrating having my entire personality be temporary no matter what situation I'm in. How will I act tomorrow? Or, the next day? Or, next year? I really can't guess at any of those questions. The day before yesterday I had complete tunnel vision and focused entirely on my self to the point where I forgot other people were there. Will that be happening more often? I feel bad for people who try to get to know me in any way. It never turns out well.

Other than constant stress and maybe depression I think I'm OK. My job is doing a good enough job of distracting me to keep me from completely falling off the edge. Dude, I'm completely stoked for Halloween! My costume is gorgeous and the accessories don't look nearly as terrible as I thought they did. I also have a new goal in my heart; moving back to Honolulu as soon as possible so I can see the glowing lanterns on every Memorial Day weekend from now on and so I can be with my boyfriend. I know it's stupid but, watching the lanterns in the water at Ala Moana Beach Park with all those strangers and hearing the gentle Hawaiian music...there's really no place or time in the world I love more. I also really miss being able to shop for anime merchandise at 3 AM without a car and with dozens of other people out doing the exact same thing. Hells, yes! New goal good but voice acting kinda gets left in the dust. And, I'll probably change my mind because of that simple little fact. That, and I'll never be rich enough. I don't know why my boyfriend (for whom I have yet to come up with a code name) is so stubborn, I keep asking him to move here but he keeps saying that things cannot possibly be as cheap here as I say they are. Men are weird, I'm beginning to think. Bis bald, buy bonds.
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