Me a Voice Actress

 My story starts today. I have to forget everything I've done in the past and focus on the future. I think it'll be easier than it sounds. If not, does it matter? The ease of the road I'm choosing has nothing to do with the fact that my story starts today.

 I've wanted to be a voice actress since I was 4 and went to see Aladdin in theaters. Things happened that year, crappy things. Somehow, I ended up forgetting the amazing-ness of Robin Williams, Jonathan Freeman and Brad Kane while those crappy things were happening. I ended up in Alaska, my plans having been derailed for years. But, I still wanted to be a voice actress.

 I was 7 and living in Colorado (don't ask)when the subject came up again. We were, all 4 of us, living in a trailer in a camp ground and eating what food eats. I was shot down for acting lessons and auditions. Was I shot down because of the money? Was I shot down because Denver was too far away? Was I shot down because I was too young? Nope. I was shot down because "Actors are useless. You're a singer, that's all you're any good at and you went flat yesterday", and the ever-popular "If you become an actress, they'll make you eat dog food". I gave up, for the moment. Didn't forget.

 In middle school/high school, I was very comfortable being pegged as "just a singer". No! *hits herself with rolled up newspaper* Bad younger me! That, and the school I was attending decided to create an after-school drama club (tiny town, no actual acting classes ever offered in the area) two months before I dropped out. I joined, then quit weeks later. No excuses. I was too scared to do anything but sing, anyway. Cowardly, right?

 Fast forward to age 18, when I became so determined to become a voice actress that it was all I could talk about. I was getting ready to move across the county again. I had my orientation all set up at South Puget Sound Community College. I already had my ear to the ground for auditions in the Olympia area. I was reared up and ready to go. It took me about a week to have a massive nervous breakdown and miss orientation and countless auditions. This breakdown lasted 5 or 6 years. I don't even remember most of what happened during that time.

 In 2011 I snapped out of my nervous breakdown. I was 23 and in Hawaii, of all places. I started going to auditions right away. I got chased away from most of them for not being "the right type" because my medication for my Social Anxiety Disorder caused me to gain 250 lbs. The rest I got chased away from because I wasn't Asian. Have you ever been to Honolulu? It happens all the time. Not the best place for things like that. But, at least I was sane again.

 It was just my luck that I ended up here, in Melbourne, Florida. There are plenty of opportunities to be had and I've been to dozens of auditions. I lost 200 lbs and constantly work on my tan. Unfortunately, my mom insisted that I get a real job. This leaves very little time for me to audition or take acting lessons. Still, I get it done. I'm still no closer to actually being in play. But, these things take time.

 I find myself in an unfortunate position. Or, several of them. I've wanted and tried to be a voice actress most of my life but I mentally disabled. My mother has to take care of me for the rest of my life. Great feeling, that. And, she's retired so she can't pay for college. I make $9.00 an hour and have to pay her $300 every time I get paid for "rent". It is VERY hard to become voice actor/actress unless there's some college in there somewhere. But, I will never be able to afford college. These are all very good reasons for saying that the past doesn't matter anymore.

 If I could wish for something, I wouldn't wish to become a voice actress. I would only wish for the power to become myself again. Right next to me there's a studio photo of a 4-year-old brunette in a calico dress with natural Shirley Temple curls still wearing her tap shoes from dance class. That same year, that same girl fell apart after her leading role as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in the Christmas play because she broke character by smiling at her grandfather while she was in character and Rudolph wouldn't smile at Grandpa. I wouldn't even play with my brother unless he acted out Mary Poppins with me. That's what I need to be like. Not like this, all weepy because I wasted 5 years of my life. And, why wouldn't I just wish to become a voice actress? Because, paying your dues is part of being an actress. I would never be able to call myself one without it.

 I shouldn't complain, I've been a lot of things. I've been a singer most of my life. I've been a ballerina, a drummer, a keyboardist, a calligrapher, a songwriter, award-winning writer, professional photographer, maintenance associate, sales associate, insane, joke fat, kicked out of Cartier by security, in love, homeless, given a pineapple by a random dude on the street, interpreter, Rudolph, Dorothy, Mary Poppins, a tree, a fortune teller, and a bunny. Maybe I should complain, though. After all, I've never been a voice actress. And, that starts today. And, that is my story.